EMOtion..

2010-05-09T15:22:00.002+08:00

CARLSON IS DEAD AND SAME GOES TO THE BLOG.

2010-01-09T17:48:00.002+08:00

you said you are there for me
but when I really open up to you , you just don’t want to see
you act like you care
but when I have these thoughts and break downs I ring and you are never there

you don’t know what It’s like, to want to die
take the rope, f**k life and hold on tight
when I tell you I want to die, it’s no word of a lie
it's all building up, I’m weak, I just want to surrender the fight

I can’t sleep at night, can’t sleep anymore
my constant pain, my constant heart sore
all the thoughts of death, I have and suicide
I tell you about them, why do you expect me to hide

I thought you were the one I could turn to when it got too much
well you could have fooled me, my feelings you don’t want to touch
I will just stay away, I get it, crystal clear
but one day suicide will take over, then maybe you will realize my fear

it's ok, I get it, it's not happening to you
so it’s not a big deal, get over it, let it pass through
here’s the thing I have to say, now it’s my turn to speak
never push me too far
cuz one day I’ll be weak
and found dead on the bed
please don’t push me too far

you never tried to understand this pain yet you pretend you understand everything.
you never realise the pain inside me all along.
all you did was to stay there and listen and do nothing.
stop pretending when you doesnt know anything.

2010-01-09T17:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I often wonder why something shouts as loud as thunder
It was there inside of me, hiding for a reason
Sometimes, I looked at the sky and hurtle a cry
Maybe because of hurt but still, I'm wondering why

As I waked up in the morning, the light blinds me from darkness
my heart is filled with such sadness
I am an ordinary person with a broken heart and shame everywhere
I can't believe this pain inside and shame elsewhere

These unexpressed feelings of mine will never let me be fine
I hope tomorrow as I looked up the sky,
all my doubts, pain and hurt will die
Tears should not fall from this eyes again and again...

2010-01-04T13:15:00.003+08:00

First day of school.. B.O.R.E.D
That's the only feeling you can get for the first day of school. lol.
Now in class. Really nothing to do. I wanna go back home and sleep. -.-
Why is it so freaking bored.
I want that FCUK shirt. Gonna get it ASAP. lol.

Cool as FCUK..

2010-01-03T21:34:00.002+08:00

你不在
當我最需要愛
你卻不在
無盡等待像獨白的難捱
你不在
高興還是悲哀
你都不在
我受了傷再偷偷好起來
但你不在
不在

What else can I do?
Whenever I need you yet you are not there.
Happy or Sad, you are still not there.
It's just like I am no longer in your mind.
Yeah. This is the problem I have been facing for about one year.
This should stop, I guess.
This pain, I shall cover it up. No longer bringing it up.
Even if I brought it up. Nobody would seems to be bothered to help.
It's nothing to them yet it's everything to me.
So, maybe it's my fault as I have been stuck for too long.

Lesson for the year :
Never expose a wound for too long.
Just let it heal by itself...
(It may seems great but there's some side effects)
Everything have its own advantages and disadvantages.

2010-01-03T17:38:00.002+08:00

New life was born. Perhaps.
Everything going to change.
Shall not stop it after taking the first step.
I got lots of stuffs to complete by June.
That's my goal. :)
No matter what happen, nothing is going to stop me.
After June, everything is going to be great for me.
I have plan all these last year. This shall be the great year for me. lol.
Shall post them out after completing them.
Lets get prepared for the great news this June.
Probably, I will stop blogging too.
Remembered, JUNE.
This coming June. :)

2009-12-31T14:15:00.002+08:00

Last post of the year. :)
Going to have some fun later.
Flashed back of what have happened in 2009.
It's the year where I grow up.
I learn loads of stuffs.
Those experiences I faced, made me realised that I, indeed have changed.
Some of the changes were great and some were not.
Those changes that were not great will be the goal for 2010. :)
Getting rid of them soon. xD
The road of the darkness did not really end but I am sure I will be able to get rid of it soon too.
Nothing is impossible yeah.
For those who does not really doing great to my life, it's time for me to do something.
I tried to pull people together to create peace yet they created disaster to my life.
I guess I understand the meaning of my life now.
No more peacemaker for me. :)
Not happy with me, just fuck off. xD
2010 will be the year where I start my journey of life. I mean what I said this time round. :)
No more obstacles to pull me down. NO MORE.

GOAL for 2010. CHANGES. :)
Last but not least.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! :)
WISHING EVERYBODY A GREAT YEAR AHEAD. STAY HAPPY! :)

2009-12-30T18:03:00.002+08:00

He who can't overcome anger, his life is filled with hatred.
He who can't trust himself, rely on others.
He who can't think out of the box, will forever be stuck in his own world.
He who can't think for others, just fuck yourself.

Second last day of 2009.
Perhaps getting rid of all these problems is my goal for the year.
Sounds pretty ridiculous uh.
Just wanna have a better year 2010.
I am not going to be like what I am for this year.
Shall do what I like, what I wished for, Whatever stuffs I want.
I will not let other people revolve around me.
Just fuck off if you aint doing me great.

Really had enough of these word. "BROTHER."
Yeah, what's the definition for it? I am not reffering to the general definition.
I want yours. Fucker.
But I am pretty sure that your definition doesnt match mine.
Perhaps it's just a name for you. -.-
But to me, it's definitely not.
Brothers to me are like real blood brother where the bond is there.
Or maybe we will share almost everything.
What I can see or feel from them are like...
Worse than a friend? Or maybe much more worse than a stranger. -.-
School stuffs covered 3/4 of the conversation, relationship covers a quarter of it.
How cool can it be. -.-
Life is filled with all these problems? I doubt so.

Relationship is just another fucking problem.
Just fucking heck care that.
JUST A WASTE OF TIME.

Going to think of more goals for next year. :)
Ciaos.

2009-12-28T21:52:00.002+08:00

Wake up please.
You have been such a fool for a year.
Time to wake up.
After so long, you realise that you have been just a fool, been fooled around.
What A JOKE.
Changes should be made.

Thanks alot to her.
At least it help me changes that much.
It shows that I have grown too.
Changes are always great.
Thanks for the memories.
Thanks for the changes.
Now it's the time.
To let go when it is too hurtful.
Don't let suffering and pain combine together.
Let go of suffering and understand the pain.
You will never knows what's the pain for till the end of the road. :)

2009-12-26T18:18:00.002+08:00

Can you fucking act like your own age?
Can you just stop fucking ask so much questions like an uncle? -.-
I wonder what is fucking wrong with you with all those rubbish.
Stop that fuck. Stop pissing me off.
Just shut the fuck up.

Have been going out all these while.
Tiring.. lol.
But it's great.
I rather go out than stay home.
At least I will stop my mind from thinking about xxx.
Just feeling so frustrated.
Nothing else to blog about either.
Going to start school soon. 1 more week to go.
New Year is reaching. :) Hope for the best. xD

2009-12-19T22:42:00.003+08:00

SAD.. Sad.. Sad..
thats the only feeling i have right now.
I am feeling damn sad. Doesnt know why either.

Temper isnt that good either.
just felt so damn irritated or pissed off easily.
Just hate it so much.
FML.
I really really feel damn sad right now.
It just sucks.
Every night I could not really fall asleep.
What the hell is wrong. -.-

2009-12-15T22:19:00.002+08:00

First day of holiday.
Aint happy at all. Really.
Those excitement before holiday ended.
Life is just damn boring.
Am able to see that holiday aint going to be fun.
I wanna go out badly.
Not just going out.
I want to go out with people.
Just damn bored and pissed off with the thoughts of xxx
Seriously damn pissed off now.
tomorrow going to work. hopefully it is a better place.
I just want to stop all these thoughts.

She is my everything. Now i lost her.
I lost everything.
I find no meaning in life.
I doesnt know what I have right now.
Everyday live in pain.
Nobody will understand.
Stop asking me to move on where nothing's right on the left and nothing left on the right.
Trying to numb myself everyday.
No other things can really stop me from this pain.
It's hurtful.

2009-12-13T22:43:00.003+08:00

I am trying to change everything that is moving in the wrong direction now.
I just can't stop them.
Everything's wrong. Nothing seems to be right.
FML.
I hate it.
I felt that I am getting worse.
I hate everything, everyone.
The anger in my soul. It just can't get off from me.
Everything just irritates me.
I am feeling useless now.
I guess I need to pick myself up on my own.
Nobody seems to be able to help me or perhaps don't even bother to help.
Busy may be just an excuse?
This is what I failed.
Anyway, just wanna say thanks to her.
From an angel in disguise.
Thanks alot devil.
You destroyed my life. almost totally.
Really thanks alot.
Now I wanna know how to pick myself up.
When nobody seems to be fucking care about me.
Yeah no fucking soul.
I am just one fucking idiot.
I have been fool for so long.
Just fuck my life.
I just wanted to move on.
Why is it so fucking difficult?
I just want peace in my life.
Why is it so fucking difficult?
I guess she is moving on well and getting well with another guy.
Wish her the best..
Hopefully she can get rid of that.
I wish that time will pass by fast.
I just wanna get into Year 3.
Thats all.
Year 2 is just fucking miserable.
Too many fucked up people.
I am feeling fucking miserable now.

2009-12-12T11:52:00.002+08:00

What is sadness when there's no happiness?
It seems that you are too far away..
I couldnt reach for it anymore.
Perhaps it's the end.
Thanks for everything we had.
Though nothing comes up from it, there are still memories from what have been happening.
Still getting over it.

Fake a smile to cover your sadness.
But how to cover it when there's too much sadness?
Everything, everybody, just irritates me.
Just get irritated easily.
Life just sucks.
LIFE IS JUST A FUCKING LIE.

2009-12-08T19:29:00.003+08:00

Today was distracted the whole day.
Didn't really have the mood.
Just stare in space.
Not because of school. I wonder what is wrong too..
Perhaps the song really let me think deeply.
Was totally in another world the whole day.
Can even daydream while chatting. lol.
Didnt manage to stay throughout the day.
Back home early. :)

But going out again. Going to fix that damn internet thingy on my phone. -.-
Fuck starhub.
Just sucks. lol.
Everything sucks actually. x.x

Staring in space and I actually dont know what am i thinking about.
how cool can it be. >.<
But what I can really recall is that I am thinking about the show.
"HI my Sweetheart." :)
The story is nice.
Sigh.
That sentence just kept flashing in my mind.
x.x
Shall not type it out.
I really wonder what I should do now.
Lead me please..
I miss you..

How i wish everything would turn back like before.
Without the scene where you left my heart on the floor. x.x

2009-12-07T21:53:00.002+08:00

Sigh..
Everyday seems to be a torture.
Act as if nothing happen in the day, back to self in the night.
I am really tired.
I miss you girl.
But I don't know what to do.
Since I have lost it, it will never come back anymore.
Just let it be and continue to be stuck down here.
I just hate my freaking life.
It just sucks.

hope she will text me if you read this. x.x
will you be back? :(

2009-12-06T22:22:00.002+08:00

About one more week to holiday. :)
like finally.
looking forward to it.
i need a break. i am super duper tired.
love this song from rainie.雨爱 :)

窗外的天气
就像是你多变的表情
下雨了
雨陪我哭泣
看不清
我也不想看清
离开你我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里
学会放弃

听雨的声音
一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸象雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
让想念继续
让爱变透明
我爱上给我勇气的 Rainie love

久违的雨滴
一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密
能一直延续
我相信我将会看到

almost a year since i post a lyrics from a song. lol.
i hope that i can get back to myself again.
looking back, i really want to be like myself in the past.
didnt know that i have change that much.
hate the life nowadays.
where i just cant tolerate people.
lose my temper easily, attitude getting worse, and more.
hate everything, every people and myself.
i hate everything in life.
why cant i just be like what i am in the past.
life aint getting any better everyday.
i am going to lose everything soon.
sigh.

lastly, perhaps i should share something.
I have been trying to force myself to do this.
It's not that i want it this way.
Everyday, every night, you are all in my mind.
But i have to stop myself from getting closer to you.
I have no choice.
I have to sacrifice something in order to gain something.
It's hurtful.
But, I guess, she wont care about it.
I am perhaps, just ordinary people.

I love the rain where it can cover up my tears that flowing down my cheek.
Why did the rain stop? I just hope that it rains non stop.

2009-12-03T22:04:00.004+08:00

It's getting worse everyday. DAMN.
I thought it would gets better.
Why is it like this?
I dont understand.
Everyday I numb myself.
Either by doing the school work or xxx.
But still same problems.
Sigh.
I guess I shall just let it be.
Start to move on to the place where I feel happy.
But I dont feel happier in any way.
Sigh.
Every day, every night, without fail, I dreamt about the fall.
Maybe my life have come to an end. But why am I still here in this world. -.-
I should just leave this world now.
It seems like nobody cares.
I feel very miserable right now.
Seems like it doesnt makes any difference.
Life just sucks. I sucks even more..
FUCK FUCK FUCK. NO FUCKING HUMANS AROUND RIGHT NOW?
I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO AND I FOUND NOTHING.
FUCK MY LIFE.
CHEERS FOR BEING A LONER FROM NOW ON.
HOW COOL CAN IT BE UH. -.-
FUCK EVERYONE.
just sucks.

2009-11-30T21:48:00.003+08:00

Mood: Frustrated. -.-
What the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously.
Can't you look at my MSN status?
It's already stated clearly that I am Away yet you come talk to me. -.-
I don't really understand.
When I put Available, none of you bother to come and talk to me.
Just when my status change to Busy or Away, there you are talking to me.
Don't expect me to reply fast when you see that status seriously.
Stop those attitude please.-.-
And please. When you see my status as Away, please don't continue typing. Cause you don't even know whether I am there. -.-
At least ask something before you start talking to me. -.-

These few days were not really great too.
been moody all these while.
But who really cares?
Nobody really bother asking me.
Just continue ranting your problems to me.
Smsing me without thinking about what you were talking about. -.-
If you don't like talking to me, don't just waste your time.zzz.
Hatred. Come on people. Hate me for whatever. I don't care.
I really cannot take it anymore.
I need to start afresh. like seriously. -.-
People are just pulling me down.
I really hate everything, everyone.
Sigh.
Please, for some unneccessary stuffs.
Just stop it.
I have enough problems.
Don't continue making my life more worse please. unless you want me dead.
Life just sucks.

2009-11-29T20:20:00.002+08:00

2 more freaking weeks to holidays.
3 weeks holidays. fuck.
time please pass faster. -.-
8 weeks of school and it isnt that great at all.
I am damn tired.
Tired of everything..
Sometimes, I wonder, did i made a right decision?
Making both decision does not change anything too.
She doesnt seems to care or bother about it.
I felt so lost, foolish..
Looking back, I lost plenty of friends. FML.
Nevermind, people who dont cherish friends, doesnt cherish themselves.
Perhaps I should start afresh.
I lost almost everything.
Thanks some fuckers.
Picking myself up right now.
Broken pieces everywhere.
I really wonder, how am i going to clean it up.
It's tough but I have to do it.
Hmm, what have i lost.
I lost some friends.
lost of confidence.
lost in the dark.
lose the ability to think positively.
lost my real self.
just lose too many things about myself to name it out.
I just hope to end everything.
I dont feel like living on too..
Why cant everything just end right now?
I hate my life.
I hate everything, everyone, even myself.
just fuck it. -.-

2009-11-27T20:21:00.003+08:00

If you don't understand my silence, you will not understand my words.
yeah right.
nobody seems to understand my words.
I try and try.
It's still the same.
I am damn tired right now.
But I am still hanging on. I am not going to fall again.
Watched new taiwan drama today.
"Hi My Sweetheart" and it have only 4 episodes out right now..
Shall wait for episode 5. :)
It's a good show. perhaps for me..
I like the story though I haven finish watching it.
Friends, bad impression about you, love life.
Rainie Yang :)

What are friends?
I have no friends..
Why they are not with you when you need them?
Why they does not believe you in whatever you said?
It's better to be alone instead as I only have to care about myself.SIGH.

Why look at the bad impression of someone?
Just because somebody did something bad, everybody have to avoid them?
People did bad things with a reason.
You avoid people with no fucking reason?
What the fuck is this world?
People who doesnt care about others and always creating problems might as well vanish from this world.
You are not welcome to be here.
FUCK OFF.
If there are bad impressions about someone, why dont you fucking look at the good impression of them?
Why make life miserable?
FUCKTARD.

LOVE LIFE..
SIGH..
Too much problems from this.
shallnt go on.
It is fucking killing me.
I dont understand why things will become like that.
FUCKERS who are not suppose to get involved in it, just fuck off.
Mind your own fucking business.
You have no right to say anything.
If you have something to say, talk to my hand.
FUCKTARDS.
Since you doesnt care so much about me, I guess walking away will be great for me.
I am really tired now.
Why am I always invisible in front of you?
I did so much yet you just treat it as nothing?
Do you know it is fucking miserable?

2009-11-25T20:08:00.002+08:00

Despaired, Melancholy life isnt that comfortable right now.
The silence of this solitary is making me crazy.
Why cant all these things end?
Problems after problems
or perhaps problem forever unsolve.
I tried to let go but it's too hurtful to do so.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe I should just end my life to stop all these torture.
I smile everyday but that doesnt means I am happy.
I feel more like dying.
Same thing happen everyday.
I wonder when will I get rid of this.
Everybody just keep asking me to get out of this world.
But, do you fucking think it's easy?
Everytime I open up, people will come and hurt me.
Why cant you all just stop those problems?
Maybe I should forget everybody from my life and start afresh
Perhaps I can live happily. -.-
Just fucking miserable.
Nobody can understand what I am feeling right now.
She cant be bother too. Sigh.
I made a fucking wrong decision.
Serve me right yeah.
For being foolish, silly, idiot, blah blah blah.
how does it really feels when you gave everything to someone and yet she treat you like invisible?
maybe just a thanks and thats all for it.
can you tell how fucking miserable can it gets?

2009-11-20T22:35:00.002+08:00

You are perhaps the most honest and true emo. You may sometimes not look the most emo and sometimes you may look the most emo you can get. But inside your mindset you are emotional and true and don't put on a false temprement like posers you act how you feel, but you do it without realising, so therfore you are really... emo. remember the word emo means emotional, but not just depression it can be hate/anger/happiness so becuase you are true to yourself you don't start sulking over all this "i'm gonna slit my wrist" crap and self-pain becuase that's what posers say. You are a real emo, be proud...

Got this result from facebook. lol.
yeah seems true.
hate those posers.
that changes people impression about emo.
like being quiet equals emo. -.-
just a minute and u call yourself emo. what a crap.

2009-11-18T23:57:00.003+08:00

LINEAR CIRCUIT AND CONTROL FACI SUCKS
just piss me off the moment I think of MON.
Daily Grade Audit.
GOT THIS FREAKING FUCK FROM HIM.
DAILY GRADE D.
this is the first time I got this.

"Carlson was mostly detached from his team and lesson for most of the day. He was involved in his own activities most of the time. Although he participated in the presentation in meeting 3 and submitted his RJ, I had serious doubt about whether Carlson had benefitted from attending the 3 meetings."
ya right fucker.
i have something to say about him too. -.-
" KAN HOI MING was going through the problem statement and worksheet question and keep going on and on for most of the day. He was so engrossed with his teaching that he never focussed on every students' progress. Although he participated actively in all the meetings and read through my RJ, I had serious doubt about whether he have understand what is wrong with his teaching from attending all the meetings."

FML.
aint gonna do well for this module.
fuck this faci.

heck care already.
study so much for this fucking comment.
time for more party! :)
3 more weeks to holidays~

2009-11-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

Somebody just pissed me off today.
Fucktard.
Another childish fucker.
Cant bear with it please.
Its just too childish lah.
Just one simple comment like "ya lah, onli noe how to say onli."
he wrote this,"I like leh, got problem come xxxx find me."
should I say its lame or stupid?
nobody having problem except for him yet he want people to look for him.
One big shot ah.
Must come down find. GROW UP please. When you are already that old and yet you doesnt know how to think.
I guess he thinks that he have people to back him up thats why he is having this fucking guts to do all these.
You are just nothing without them.
So dont just fuck with me.
Do something sensible. FUCKTARD.
And once I post this. I AM NOT GONIG TO DELETE IT AWAY LIKE SOME LOSER.
I meant what I say. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

2009-11-13T20:51:00.002+08:00

I am feeling lost..
I really don't know what to do right now.
Headache. It is getting me crazy..
My temporary "medicine" cannot be much help right now.
I hate it now.
Again, I felt so tiring.
Damn tired..
The tiredness is just like sleeping forever.
I does not want to wake up anymore. :(
Don't ask me what's wrong or what happen where nothing's right.

It hurts alot.
Just could not hurts more than that anymore.

2009-11-12T20:55:00.002+08:00

You said I was annoying, thats why I become quiet.
You said I was quiet, thats why I try to speak more.
and this cycle continues.
What is wrong with you people?
I shouldnt have listen to people.
I should just do what I think is right.
I am not going to trust people anymore.

You asked me to open up but you were too busy to listen, so I never open up.
You asked me to look on the bright side of life yet you keep doing things that hurt me so sad, so I stayed in my own whole.
Sometimes, when I tried sharing, you show no interest in what I am sharing, so I gave up.
NOBODY likes to listen to me. Everybody just keep tlaking about their own stuffs..
I am there listening, but are you all listening to mine?
I just fucking hate myself.
Maybe an end to my life will helps.
I always feel so invisible in front of people.
People asked me to cheer up when they just cant stop fucking hurting me.
This is what it takes for me to face the reality.
I guess I rather stay in my own world since it is not really hurting that bad.

2009-11-09T20:42:00.003+08:00

"The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though
I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name, I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded,
I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection, inside of my eyes
They are looking for a purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart,
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm barely holdin' on to you"

I am broken. I am barely holding on to you. I am falling.
Why didnt you hold me back?
The pain is hurting me damn badly.
I could feel more dead than alive.
Difficult breathing made me worried as I fear that I could not be able to see you again.
If I am gone, maybe you will be better.
I guess it's the end.
But I just cant let it go...
I am hurt. Seriously hurt.
Why dont you come back to me?

2009-11-08T21:21:00.003+08:00

How does it feels when your mind does not agree with your heart?
How does it feels when your heart wanted to do something and your mind prevented it?
FML.
Couldnt feel any better than being depressed.
Getting even worse i guess..
Mood cannot be control anymore.
It just goes up and down anytime as it likes.
Numbing myself everyday with xxxxxx.
that doesnt really help.
but it helps temporary.
I am hating people who are so fucked up.
I am so irritated when some people talk to me on msn.
How i wish it was you..
But i guess. Nothing will be alright.
Super hate my life.
Some improvements please? -.-

" Love of my life, you hurt me,
You've broken my heart, and now you leave me.

Love of my life can't you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Don't take it away from me,
Because you don't know what it means to me."

i am missing you right now. do you... too?

2009-11-01T16:11:00.002+08:00

After reading the past few posts of mine,
I really wants to be like before.
Looking at myself now
So much different from the past.
I just want to be as carefree, happy and always cheerful
enjoying every moment as I can.
Now, it seems like
every minutes every seconds,
i felt miserable
i just feel more worse than yesterday.
i wonder if i can shake it off.
how on earth did i get myself to this state.
it sucks.
hope i can recover.
now i am down with too many things.
theres more to come.
stressed, sadness, confused, anxiety, depressed.
god damn they are just occupying my mind.
get them off from me please.
i just want to be just like before.
nobody seems to understand me.
all i need is understanding
not advises.
you all just cant understand me.

2009-10-30T23:03:00.002+08:00

why no understanding?
why cant you put yourself in other shoes?
why you just makes me think that you are always right?
you have never really understand what i am feeling yet you are blaming me.
i wonder what did i do wrongly

problems and problems
it wont end.
no peace at all.
too many fucktard
grow up please.
tired of all these nonsense.

why everytime i wanted to share something
all i could look for is loneliness?
people only know how to show care when someone tries to end their life
i guess there's something wrong with this quote:
"people committing suicide is just a form of attracting attention."
this is wrong
totally wrong.
people commit suicide not because they are attracting attention
they just need to get off something off themselves
they just need a fucking ear that listen to them
when they just cant find any, they have no more route to go.
they talk to themselves, others think they crazy.
the only way to end all these sorrows, they just end their life.
everybody in this world are killers.
FML.
Perhaps my life ending soon.
maybe just like them?
fuck you, fuck you very much. fucktard.

2009-10-29T20:34:00.001+08:00

Seriously, FML please.
I cant hold on anymore.
Im seriously tired.
DAMN FUCK UP
I need someone to talk to.
anybody free?
doubt so.FML.

2009-10-25T13:32:00.002+08:00

hmm,
had hell loads of fun yesterday!haha.
went power house after dinner.
though there are lots of people, but its fun! :)
didnt really like it when people staring at you just because you are at the dance floor with girls.
lol. they are just damn childish.
feel like laughing at them when they stare at me.
kids, grow up please..hahahaha.

anyway, this birthday is the best that i ever had.
love my family! :)
thanks my sis for the wonderful gift.
thanks to my dad for the birthday wishing at the time that i was born.
i really appreciate the things they did.
love them all! :D

last but not least, thanks for the wishes my friends.
you guys rocks. :)

2009-10-23T22:53:00.001+08:00

Feeling damn moody now.
Dont ask me why, cuz I cant give you an answer.
Every night, same feeling, same mood.
FML please.
I just cant stop my mind from thinking
Alot of things are flashing in my mind.
DAMN DAMN DAMN.
I just feel like slashing myself
worried about this worried about that.
FUCK LAH.

2009-10-23T21:58:00.001+08:00

DAMN. life seriously sucks.
got to see a doc soon.
getting sick. maybe should just end my life.
FML.

2009-10-21T13:11:00.003+08:00

Some people just cant stop those nonsense.
Found a definition of sore loser.
Just for that person.

SORE LOSER: Someone who can't simply be honorable, by accepting defeat and/or trying again. On the contrary, said individual or group engages in childish pissing and moaning; bitching about how it's not fair and the other side cheated, etc.

"With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things BETTER?!?!

Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

The moments die, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?"

I am just feeling damn miserable. Can you understand how am i feeling right now?
Who can fucking understand it. -.-
Fuck it Fuck you FUCK MY LIFE

2009-10-18T11:18:00.001+08:00

FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. -.-

LIFE is just a LIE without a FUCK. zzz.

2009-10-16T23:10:00.002+08:00

State of depression.
Doubt anybody would really knows how i feels right now.
I wanna give up.. Absolutely everything..-.-
GOD..Why didnt you took me away!zzz
Heartbroken again and again.
just let me die..
let me bleed to death..

2009-10-15T23:26:00.001+08:00

Could not take it anymore!!! ARGH!

2009-10-13T19:21:00.001+08:00

Mind your attitude.
It just fucking piss me off.
FUCK OFF.

2009-10-12T21:12:00.002+08:00

Call me a weakling.
I sucks. This world sucks even more.
I cant stand this world.
just feel like leaving here..
everyday is a torture to me..
corner no longer helps me.
loneliness no longer my best friend.
blog doesnt help me get better..
i wan to live life like before..
everything seems to be a dream..
i hate myself..
everyday, same feelings..
paranoid, moodless, irritated, fears..
trembles like an emo. depressed like nobody business.

2009-10-09T21:10:00.000+08:00

I know I act like I don't care, but it's just a cover-up because I care too much to tell anyone.

2009-09-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

I had enough.
Enough is enough.
Just cant take it anymore.
From this moment on, I will keep everything to myself and not to express it out anymore.
LIFE SUCKS BT!
FK OFF
GOD. Why didnt you take my life off? I dont deserve to be in this world.. -.-

2009-09-28T14:07:00.001+08:00

I never knew until that moment, what it was like to lose something I never really had.

Theres too much to worry these few days.. Life moves on.

2009-09-25T20:32:00.001+08:00

Sometimes if you really want to make things work you have to keep you mouth shut and put your hurt aside.

2009-09-15T21:01:00.002+08:00

Once a memory, always a scar..

2009-08-13T23:10:00.002+08:00

hopeless. worthless.
it just cant stop staying in my mind.
why cant you all understand.
whatever i told u all,
its nothing but a joke.
i meant what i said.
you dont believe.
nobody believe me.
neither do i.
light just cant live in darkness
should just disappear from this world.
couldnt find any meaning to live.

the only one i could trust
is myself.
my best friend, loneliness.
understands me well.
at least he wont treat whatever i said as a joke.

2009-08-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

finally back to posting.
hmm, had a bad flashback earlier on.
decided to blog now.
feels so distracted by it.
trying to stop thinking about now.
have to look for things to do..
it is always on my mind
i hate it.

but, i still like the peaceful world.lol.
just like to sit there and do nothing.

2009-07-31T22:41:00.000+08:00

irritated. moodless.
wanted to chill out..
but gets irritated.
just wanted a listening ear.
yeah, found one. my dearest blog..zzz.

nobody would understand my feelings for today.
i could not find any word to describe how is it like either.
it just sucks.
maybe it is time for me to go for reflections at one side now.
feeling damn miserable..zzz
nobody would understand it.

2009-07-29T15:47:00.000+08:00

It's wednesday again.
Stay at home. Did some research..
This is what i found;

How Is Depression Different From Regular Sadness?

Everyone has some ups and downs, and sadness is a natural emotion. The normal stresses of life can lead anyone to feel sad every once in a while. Things like an argument with a friend, a breakup, doing poorly on a test, not being chosen for a team, or a best friend moving out of town can lead to feelings of sadness, hurt, disappointment, or grief. These reactions are usually brief and go away with a little time and care.

Depression is more than occasionally feeling blue, sad, or down in the dumps, though. Depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer. It interferes with a person's ability to participate in normal activities.

Depression affects a person's thoughts, outlook, and behavior as well as mood. In addition to a depressed mood, a person with depression can also feel tired, irritable, and notice changes in appetite.

When someone has depression, it can cloud everything. The world looks bleak and the person's thoughts reflect that hopelessness and helplessness. People with depression tend to have negative and self-critical thoughts. Sometimes, despite their true value, people with depression can feel worthless and unlovable.

Because of feelings of sadness and low energy, people with depression may pull away from those around them or from activities they once enjoyed. This usually makes them feel more lonely and isolated, making the depression and negative thinking worse.

Depression can be mild or severe. At its worst, depression can create such feelings of despair that a person thinks about suicide.

Depression can cause physical symptoms, too. Some people have an upset stomach, loss of appetite, weight gain or loss, headaches, and sleeping problems when they're depressed.

thats all..
dont wanna say much.
it says it all.
life sucks.

2009-07-27T19:11:00.000+08:00

enough of the acts.
fake smile serious kills.
it gains more hatred instead. -.-
shall stop that.
you are just making my life more miserable each day.
i hate to see you but i have to face it.
i dont like it and i have no choice.
nightmares everyday
thats enough to kill me. zzz
i am dead tired, in my mind.
i just cant stop my mind from thinking about those stuffs.
i am seriously depressed.
i hate myself now.
YOU SUCKS!

2009-07-26T18:29:00.001+08:00

Sucks to be alive.
Been facing problems everytime.-.-
Stares..
been laugh at..
couldnt stand it anymore.
what is this
i didnt ask for it.
thought that life would be better.
to think that i am just deceiving myself.
why cant you just leave me alone.
you make it more worse for me instead.
the hate is getting stronger after that.

I am not going to believe you anymore.
forcing myself to do what i dont like to do.
i know that whatever i did,
i could not make you happier.
he can do that.
i shall stop here.
i am not going to do anything.
I HATE STARES. -.-
I hate life.
it sucks.

Presence is Absent,
Absence is Present.
when i am there, nobody cares.
when i left, everybody comes.
pointless..
you cant remove the hates that grows in the heart.
whats the point.
leave me alone.. zzz.

Friends are in vain; we're better off this way.

2009-07-22T17:43:00.002+08:00

Why is it that people doesnt really listen to me.

Is it difficult to trust what i said?

Whenever i tell them the truth, nobody would believe.

Wait till whatever happens then you will bother?

If it realy happens, its just too late.

Nobody seems to understand me,

I dont understand them too.

When i told them what i am really feeling,

they treat it as nothing.

Does that sounds like a story to you?

I did talk to myself every night.

Once my eyes are shut,

nightmares came along.

I hate to see you in my dream.

I hate the result of my dream.

Perhaps it shows my future..

falling from building.

the most freakiest thing i ever seen.

it looks so real

but i could not be able to see what will happen after next.

hallucinations.

i could see figures.

they are all around me.

but i could not see them when i turn my head.

DEATH is the only word i could see every night.

I am dead tired.

Should i continue faking that smile and treat it as nothing's wrong?

2009-07-20T21:28:00.003+08:00

i feel so hopeless now..
yeah, damn hopeless.
could not find any meaning of life anymore.
life just sucks.
why my life change so much suddenly.
trembling worsen.
hallucinations started.
moodless.
nobody cares.
i guess i have myself to depend on.
nobody knows what is going on.
nevermind.
i try to face it myself.
friends are no longer the people i could rely on.
no more.
no more meaning.
meaningless.
could not catch their attention either.
i shall live my life like this.
from now on.
stop relying on others.
time to change..
death, perhaps is the better choice.
my presence is absent, my absence is present.

2009-07-19T21:11:00.001+08:00

did a quiz on a website. this is the result.. >.<
sad because of my grief. o.o

2009-07-19T18:30:00.002+08:00

too much time to get wasted for today..
decided to do some research on what have been happening to me for the past few months.

body trembling isnt something that could be neglected i guess.>.<
have been experiencing it for many months.
thought that it is nothing serious.
in fact, it is all about how i think.
perhaps this is cause by the environment.
i hate my life more after reading the descriptions.

so, what causes trembling?
strong emotion, such as fear, anger, or anxiety stress or fatigue being cold.

lets take a look at anxiety disorder.
it begins after a triggering event..
shall not elaborate more on that.
Accompanied by physiological symptoms, sounds serious uh.
Examples are headache, sweating, muscle spasms, palpitations, and hypertension.
some cases lead to fatigue or even exhaustion.
symptons that i have with me before are headache, sweating and muscle spasms.
fatigue: does decreased of food consumed per day count?
exhaustion: hmm yup. getting exhausted easily, damn sleepy even after sleeping for more than 10 hours.. -.-

guess what causes anxiety disorder?
its depression..
cool, i experiencing depression.. -___-
but who cares?
dont feel like writing anymore.
if only everyone cares...

2009-07-18T22:32:00.002+08:00

hmm, did a quiz on What's your personality type.
The result:

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person... a partner who you do special things for.

In love, you express your emotions through actions.
Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

i guess it is totally true..
about love, yeah. thats right ba.hah
may not be perfectly well but at least i do it well. :)

2009-07-18T18:45:00.003+08:00

We born alone, We die alone.
Apparently, we live alone.
Watched a show and came across the quote.
but,i dont feel so right now.:)

you are the one that makes my life perfect.
i dont feels lonely while chatting with you.
perhaps i should share it with her some day.
fears..
i fear that it would be the same as before.
rejection is not a problem.
the problem is about one sided love..
i dont wish to be like that once again.
i am still trying to get someone out of me.
still trying my best and not giving up.

i needed you more than yesterday.
i want you to be by my side everyday.
perhaps this was a dream.

indeed it was a dream..
thought that i could have you by my side everyday.
thats just my wishful thinking.
now should i hold on or give up..
it was all too late.
i hope i could turn the time backwards..:(
life just sucks.

guess the quote is right.
we born alone, we die alone.
so we should live alone.

lost.

2009-07-16T21:17:00.002+08:00

i am lost.
i dont know what to do.
could someone tell me what i can do?
whatever stuffs that i wanted to do,
i find it difficult.
thats because i am missing something.
companion.
perhaps i should give up with the thoughts of having companion.
i could not really find any. lol.
even if i could find one,
he/she would not the time to accompany me everytime.

shall live my life alone.
perhaps i would be happier?
without having headaches of searching for people that could accompany you.

tomorrow having test from circuit analysis.
great. i am not going to study for it.
it sucks.
so much formulaes, so much calculations.
thats all, bye.

2009-07-15T14:57:00.002+08:00

Emptiness.
strong feeling of emptiness.
something is missing..
shall post it out.
theres nobody that could really understand me.
only my best friend,loneliness, understand me.
in search for someone who would really care and make me stand up again.

for once, i felt perfect.
but it is gone in just one fine day.
you would never understand it.

2009-07-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

well. these few days have been working hard on studies.
tried doing worksheet questions.
hardworking? haha.
better start working hard.
tired of getting C or D everyday.lol.
as usual.
after school, no where to go.
but meet up with friends for dinner.
before meeting them,
went to look at lip studs..
shall go and buy some tomorrow.lol.

and..
i finally take out the stud from my lip! -.-
have been trying hard to take it out for like 30 minutes.
but screw it back like takes up only 30 seconds. -________-
thats lame.haha

it seems like i have been getting on great.
but, why does the feeling still stays so strong?
its such a torture for me to see stuffs that hurts alot.
i dont know how to put them in words,
and theres only one word that could describe it.
HURT.

yesterday night wasnt that great to me.
sudden flash back of some unpleasant stuffs
which i stop thinking for weeks.
it just came to my mind suddenly
goddamn it.
one word again. HURT.
why cant i just forget it...
life just sucks.

seems like i am getting less socialable.
cant really speak much to anybody.
sometimes, i cant stand the way how people speak.
please, think before you speak.
shall not elaborate more.
i think i shall give up in interaction.
interracting with people seems to be most
difficult thing i can do right now.
i am stuck with myself.

2009-07-12T17:37:00.001+08:00

got a new skin.
sick of the old one.lol.
life sucks.
not going to blog much.

2009-07-12T17:37:00.000+08:00

got a new skin.
sick of the old one.lol.
life sucks.
not going to blog much.

2009-07-10T23:05:00.002+08:00

the time is here. once again, time for blogging. >.<
night time seems to be much better for me.
tiring day again.
seems like wearing a mask everyday wear me out easily.
perhaps i should just show how i would looks like.=X
some people may think that it is just bullshit.
thats depends on whether you wanna believe or not.
and thats not my problem either.

Everything seems wrong and nothing was right.
i could not do anything
just do what i feel like
loneliness is killing me.
solitary world is trying to kick me out
stuck in between
solitary world or reality.
going out is not what i hate.
i hate it when i am unable to go out.
i hate going out alone.thats me. -.-

theres too many things in my mind.
i just cant stop it from moving.
life simply sucks.

2009-07-08T23:35:00.002+08:00

back to blog.
super tired when step out of the house.
getting lazier each day
dont feel like going out nowadays.
guess i am just tired of everything.

got a new piercing on my lip.
thanks benny for accompany..haha.

nobody would understand how i feels
dont give me a path to go
i just want to be myself.
you think you giving loads of advices are great
this is just bullshit
fuck up life

putting on a mask everyday is just killing me
i just wanna have some great life..

2009-07-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

You never see my tears, but that doesn't mean I don't cry. You never feel my pain, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt. You only see me smile, and that doesn't mean that I am happy.

What i need is perhaps just some understanding.
Either you dont wish to listen to me or i dont wish to listen to you.
You always wanted me to stop that emo stuffs
have you ever wondered why am i doing that. -.-
loneliness is killing me.
i cant stand it anymore
i need something to release that pain inside me
forget it, seems like nobody understand it.

Understanding

2009-07-03T21:38:00.003+08:00

People could never understand me.
I dont understand them either.
Never did, never will.

shall stop here.
not going to bother this anymore
why cant people just understand it
i dont understand, seriously
why i have to give up what i like to do just because everyone doesnt like to do it?
why ask me to do what others like to do when they dont even care about giving a damn
ridiculous excuses
ridiculous nonsense
ridiculous life

why must i follow the world
i just want to be myself
not to be a person just like who you like
you have no control of my life
assholes.

The night my companion, solitude my guide.

2009-06-30T23:42:00.002+08:00

The night my companion, solitude my guide.

I like when the night is here.
here comes my companion.:)
when night comes, i shall be back to myself.
tiring life.
bored with that fake smile fake expression.
giving up soon.
i dont have that strength..
it just sucks big time.

chose to be alone.
cause, i have no other choice.
thats the only choice.
if you think this is negative thoughts, you are wrong.
reflect yourself before talking to me.
my mind is clear. especially night time.

loneliness is my new best friend.

2009-06-28T14:49:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, why words can mean nothing and silence can mean everything.
Why voicing it out mean nothing and typing it out mean everything.
Why am i living when i feel like dying.
Why loneliness when i ask for happiness.
Why lie to me when i ask for the truth.
Why dont you reflect when you said i think too much.
Why dont you appear when i ask for you.
Why did you appear when i dont ask for you.
Why dont you bother when i care for it.
Why dont you care when i bother about it.
Why dont you do something when i dont ask for nothing.
Why did you do something when i ask for nothing.
Why is there a crowd when i ask for time being alone.
Why am i alone when i ask for a crowd.

Why am i talking to myself every night.
Why am i facing problems all by myself.

I did talk to myself every night as i could not find any people to talk to.
I just want someone to listen to me.
thats fine with me as i am used to it.

Facing problems by myself is a form of growing but nobody seems to care. i shall live my life the way i like.

Nobody seems to care on whats bothering me and they seems to care on whats bothering them.

Life is just nothing but lies..
Life is just nothing but fucking lies.

2009-06-27T22:09:00.002+08:00

life is so unpredictable.
so we must live our life to the fullest.
dont live for others
live for yourself
dont wanna bother about what others thinking anymore
shall do what is right for me
thinking about others will only pull yourself down.
just heck care about them and make life happier.
dont bother talking to people who have not done some self reflection
do some reflection before you talk to me. -.-
cant be bother anymore.

2009-06-23T21:57:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why words can mean nothing and silence can mean everything.
life seems to get meaningless. . .
sometimes feel like giving up.
but i knew i cant.
too bad then.
life sucks big time but still continues..
PATHETIC.
more motivation please.
i had enough with all those rubbish out there.
cant you give me a better life?
do i deserve all these craps?
shouldnt get bother by it, but why is it coming to my mind, always?
seriously i need to learn something.

Some people wear their smiles like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know cause I'm like that a lot. You think everything's okay, and it is till it's not.
smiling and laughing all day long.
it seems to be me in daylight.
corner is my best buddy.
thats the only place where i can get my listening ears,
'someone' who can understand me..
so it seems like i am emo during night time.
whats more do you expect from emokid?

current mood: angry,disappointed.

2009-06-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

guess it is time.
not moving on.
but creating another path for myself. :)

perhaps it will leads me to a wonderful life?haha
hmm, needs motivation.xD
by myself..not gonna taking advices from people.
sorry about that.
cause this is somehow quite a tough route for me..lol.

from now on.
i shall live my life to the fullest
not going to let something to stop it from moving.
i guess it is just some wishful thinking.haha.
but who cares.xD.

2009-06-16T22:13:00.002+08:00

perhaps you wanna know how am i.
songs lyrics will just show how i feel.

Im sitting here
Thinking bout
How im gon-na do without
You around in my life and how am I
I gon' get by
I ain't got no days
Just lonely nights
You want the truth
Well girl im not alright
Feel out of place and out of time
I think im gonna lose my mind
So tell me how you feel (im lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (i think of you)
Baby still (are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (like i dream of you all the time)
So let me tell you how it feels (its like everyday i die)
Wish i was dreaming but its real (when i open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that i will never love again
I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss the arguments
That we would have from time to time
I miss you standing by my side
I'm dying here its clear to see
There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me
Don't wanna live, I wanna die
If I cant have you in my life
So tell me how you feel (im lonely)
Are you for real (so lonely)
Do you still think of me (i think of you)
Baby still (are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (like i dream of you all the time, so lonely)
Oh let me tell you how it feels (its like everyday i die)
Wish i was dreaming but its real (when i open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again

totally not in the mood.
enervated.
tired of life..
tired of everything.
goodbye~

2009-06-15T22:57:00.002+08:00

had celebration just now.haha.
it is fun.
lots of memories.
but we cant turn back the clock.
so have to face the reality.

speaking of reality
it really sucks.
have to faced it in any way
nevermind. this is how we gets stronger
i hope that there will be no more troubles for it
for being alone

shall not remain as a fool anymore.
move on with life.
dont wanna let some bad memories to stop my life.

2009-06-13T23:48:00.002+08:00

When we truly realise that we are lonely, this is the time where we need others the most.
“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”

the greatest achievement is to overcome loneliness. is that possible?
to overcome it, you must make sure that you are able to give up love and friendship.
thats the only way where we can get rid of loneliness.

love and friendship always let us feel so lonely.
just another step, just one little step,
i am going to overcome it.
perhaps, they are not suppose to be needed in my life.
cheers to solitude. welcome "lonely life"
say bye to those bastards and bitches.

damn life

2009-06-12T21:52:00.004+08:00

whats wrong with my life?
everything seems wrong.
ignorance again.
loner for life..
since i cant be bother by them,
then i shall not bother about them
life still move on..

you will only understand the care from someone until the day they stop caring.
I was lost. There was nobody for me to talk to about all that were troubling me with. So I sat alone, with everything inside, and cried myself to sleep.
days after days.
i think this is my life.
welcoming my new life.

i am a loner..

2009-06-09T10:29:00.002+08:00

CARLSON

IS

DEAD

DEAD

DEAD!

leave me alone.. dont bother me..
get lost. -.-

i think that i will never fall in love again..

heartbroken

2009-06-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you I wouldn't miss you, but I did, I do and I will.
I never knew what I had until the first day it wasn't there.

I was lost. There was nobody for me to talk to about all that you were troubling me with. So I sat alone, with everything inside, and cried myself to sleep.
I never knew until that moment, what it was like to lose something I never really had.

good thing is that, you let me understand something.
life still goes on.
i have no rights to do anything.
just get back to my emo self.
And when you begin to miss me, dont forget it was you who let me go.
just maintain this silence since words doesnt mean anything now.
silence means everything.
when you cant control things, just let it be.
its useless bothering it.

emoing..

2009-06-06T12:11:00.000+08:00

If I would tell you
How much you mean to me
I think you wouldn't understand it
So I wait, I wait
Until this day comes
When you will understand me

But I can't help myself
I can't stop myself
I am going crazy
I can't stop myself
I cannot control myself
I am going crazy

And I love you
I want you
I wanna talk to you
I wanna be with you
And I love you
I want you
I wanna talk to you
I wanna be with you

I cannot change it
I'm sure not making it
One big hell of a fuss
I cannot turn my back
I've got to face the fact
Life without you is hazy

And I love you ...

Kiss me, thrill me don't say goodbye
Hold me, love me don't say goodbye
Oh, oh, oh, ... don't say goodbye

But I can't help myself
I can't stop myself
I'm going crazy
I cannot turn my back...
And I love you ...

emoed.

2009-06-05T16:22:00.003+08:00

111th post..lol.
current status: emoing.

corner have been a great friend with me everyday.
i will look for them everytime.

When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
Cuz I miss you
When ever you're not around
Whatever it takes I'm not gonna break the promise I made

but theres seems to be a gap.
thought about it, will only make me more depressed.
nothing will make me feel any better except...you.
i enjoy the moments being with you.
by your side.
never gonna let anything hurt you.

i wanna have a drink..
i wanna do lots and lots of things.
just to keep my mind from thinking of this.
i don't know how to face the problems.
i just wanna avoid it.. sigh.
drinking,slacking,listening to music,buy shirts,pants,shoes and more more to come!

emoing in progress~

2009-06-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

back for posting~
have been going out these few days..
slack around singapore..lol.
travelling around will always be that fun than staying at home..
bought 2 shirts today..:)
SILVERSTEIN! yeah, finally..hahas.
gonna wear it out tomorrow! haha.

avoiding is always not the best thing to do.
have to face it anyway.. sigh.
gonna slack around at home for another few more hours~

just an emokid~

2009-05-27T20:28:00.002+08:00

my life.
time for a change.
been stucked too long.
damn long yeah.
shall move on now.
but still emo-ing..
maybe it will go off soon.

2009-05-26T15:45:00.005+08:00

avoided. i guess this avoiding is not useful anyway.
just not that good also.
never ever try something foolish anymore.>.<
theres something i wanna say so much right now.
but doesnt really how to say it out.
tomorrow no school, shall stay home and think about it.
getting seriously tired.
when to stay awake?!
argh.
seems like i have not been doing well this few days
shall try to be better on thursday..
time to go le. cyas.
EMO-ing in progress~

2009-05-25T22:32:00.003+08:00

decided to change something.
some thoughts in my mind while heading home in the bus today.
maybe i should keep a distance more from her.
i could not really bring myself to face her anymore.
just keep a distance for a time being
i am still unsure of the path i am heading
thats too much of a pain
didnt wanna get her to talk to me anymore
cause, i am tired
everything taken for granted?
hopefully not

nvm, tomorrow shall have a change
no more joking stuffs
cause right now, i am not even have that mood
i have been trying to hide this stupid feelings
but it always overcomes me -___-
now, having fears here and there
guys, dont compliment me or say bad things about me
this is what i fear
advices advice advices
i am scare of that now
i need a break too.
but still gonna attend school
cause life is a learning
must not missed it
even if you didnt get to understand the whole thing,
you did learn something new..
enough over here
this time really emo-ing
serious
dont trust me? thats your business then
dont try to irritates me either
it wont do you good too.
ciaos~

2009-05-25T15:55:00.000+08:00

How emo are you?

You are 67% Emo!

You are pretty Emo. You like the music, styles and way of life but it doesn't really control your life. There is more to you than just another cute Emo face.

2009-05-24T19:56:00.002+08:00

hmm. decided to change a new blog skin.
why is that so? cause that previous skin doesnt show how much i feels >.<
right now, having a bad mood..
dont ask me why, cause it is always the same reason.
why is it that i missed her and wanna talk to her a lot when she is not around.
when she is around, i couldnt bring myself to talk to her..=X

i hate to be depressed..
now falling sick again..
body getting weaker each day.
when will i get to move on?. i am stuck down here.
somebody help me..
i need a listening ear.
i dont need advices right now.
sorry to those guys whom have been listening to my ranting.
i dont need advices from you all right now.
cause my mood overcomes me and i get fed up easily >.<
sorry guys..i dont mean it.

就算再付出
我都撑得住
我不怕辛苦
苦到什么地
步只要你满足
但你何时满足
爱的好累
真的好苦
虽然你是我的一切
也别让我感觉
爱你很可悲
从来听不见你一句赞美
从来听不见你一句安慰
就算我作的都白费
至少自尊让我保留一点

do you know that?
you can make me happier.
you can also make me super sad.
do you know that whatever you said,
it will hurt a lots?
how i wish i can stop talking to you..

2009-05-23T13:02:00.002+08:00

decided to post now..
cause i am damn free right now.
i hate free time..
cause every seconds, she would be in my mind..
damn.
how i wish she could be thinking of me.
well she dont.
i cant blame her for making me like this.
i can only blame myself for falling for her.
my biggest fault is to fall for her..>.<

i did slash myself whenever she said some bad things about me.=X
i did slash myself whenever i said something hurtful to her.
i couldnt make her happy anymore,
cause my heart is filled with hatreds.
how i wish i could get her off my mind..

hopefully she will understand one day
when she realise that she missing something, it would be me
and sadly, when she realise she is losing something, i am already lost.

saw something while catching a show yesterday night.
i wonder how long i never watch television..Zzz.
this is the quote i got from the show.
"we need time to build up trust, but can lose it overnight"
thats the word..cool.
trust trust trust.
i lost it.
where can i find that >.<

2009-05-21T20:30:00.003+08:00

One step ahead and I am gonna fall into depression.>.<
Stopping myself from depression..Can i do that?
I doubt so..
Super EMO nowadays..
negative thoughts have been moving around my mind..
asking myself "wheres my penknife.."
god. how am i going to stop that..-_-
super stressed up with this and that.
no more concentrations..
no mood to do stuffs.
totally dont have the mood to move on.
my life is stuck again.

The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading..
i feel that the distance is getting further..
i cant take it anymore.
how i wish i could stop myself from feeling all these..
emoing is not what i want.
*sigh..*
the pain inside me..
is very easy to describe.
try slashing yourself with penknife and you will be able to feel the pain i am feeling..>.<

The path I walk is in the wrong direction

when can i find the right path..-_-

this is what i wanna tell her right now.

"i was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to"

back to emo-ing..

2009-05-20T12:52:00.001+08:00

Letting go does not mean giving up but accepting that there are things that cannot be.
Has your heart ever wanted to ask something, but your mind was scared of the answer?

Been stuck too long..
Letting go would help to resolve everything.
Life still move on.
I may smile and laugh, but that's my only way of hiding.

2009-05-18T15:13:00.001+08:00

I wish I had your pair of wings
had them last night in my dreams
I was chasing butterflies
till the sunrise broke my eyes
Tonight the sky has glued my eyes
cause what they see's an angel hive
I've got to touch that magic sky
and greet the angels in their hive
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
Sometimes I wish I were you
All the sweet honey from above
pour it all over me sweet love
And while you're flying around my head
your honey kisses keep me fed
I wish I had your pair of wings
just like last night in my dreams
I was lost in paradise
wish I'd never opened my eyes
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
sometimes I wish I were you
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
sometimes I wish I were you
But there's danger in the air
tryin'so hard to be unfair
Danger's in the air
tryin' so hard to give us a scare
but we're not afraid
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
sometimes I wish I were you
Sometimes I wish I were an angel
sometimes I wish I were you
Wish I were you , Oh I wish I were you

motivation! finally. the light is here..>.<
But there's danger in the air
tryin'so hard to be unfair
Danger's in the air
tryin' so hard to give us a scare
but we're not afraid
i will try my best to overcome them!:)
moving on to a better life, NOT the past me..xD
no more living in the past. life CHANGED. >.<

这是唯一能安慰我的理由

2009-05-13T20:06:00.002+08:00

Avoid.. hope that it would get better.
perhaps i think too..想太多..
sigh.
getting emo day by day. love hurts. >.<
so, i am confused. i dont know what to do..=(

你笑着说
他是朋友但
你眼中太温柔
我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂
他霸占了你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们
不是你和我
是我想太多
你总这样说
但你却沒有
真的心疼我
是我想太多
我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

did i think too much?..
time will tell..

2009-05-11T20:17:00.003+08:00

emo emo emo - ing
o.O
what is wrong with me..
missing somebody~
who is that? i dont even know.-__-
yeah. i am lost.
missing someone so badly that i lost my concentration.
how can i find out the answer?
mind is filled with troubles~
shall go emo..>.<

2009-05-08T23:44:00.004+08:00

take a breath,I’ll pull myself together.
Just another step until I reach the door
you’ll never know the way,
it tears me up inside to see you
I wish that I could tell you something
to take it all away.
Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there’s so many things that I want you to know
I won’t give up till it’s over
if it takes you forever,
I want you to know
when I hear your voice,
it’s drowning in the whispers
your just skin and bones
there’s nothing left to take
and no matter what I do
I can’t make you feel better
if only I could find the answer
to help me understand
Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there’s so many things that I want you to know
I won’t give up till it’s over
if it takes you forever,
I want you to know
That, if you fall, stumble down,
I’ll pick you up off the ground.
If you lose faith in you,
I’ll give you strength to pull through.
Tell me you won’t give up,
cause I’ll be waiting here if you fall
you know I’ll be there for you
If only I could find the answer,
to take it all away
Sometimes I wish I could save you
and there’s so many things that I want you to know
I won’t give up till it’s over
if it takes you forever,
I want you to know
I wish I could save you...
I want you to know...
I wish I could save you...

This song suddenly appeared in my mind.
I hope to tell her this..sigh.
I guess the timing is wrong.
I am so confused right now
Stuck down here.
Should I wait or should I do something to it?=(
"That, if you fall, stumble down,I’ll pick you up off the ground.If you lose faith in you,I’ll give you strength to pull through.Tell me you won’t give up,cause I’ll be waiting here if you fall, you know I’ll be there for you"
Do you know that? *Sigh*

Anyway, THANKS Ryan for his help with my PP..haha.
ICE MOCHA FOR YOU.xD
lol... PP is just so tiring, complicating and STRESSFUL..

2009-05-02T14:24:00.003+08:00

COMPLETLY EMOed..
I pretend to be happy so I don't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand.

Some people wear their smiles like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot, watch their eyes. I know cause I'm like that a lot. You think everything's okay, and it is till it's not.

You never see my tears, but that doesn't mean I don't cry. You never feel my pain, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt. You only see me smile, and that doesn't mean that I am happy.

Sometimes, i received a question from others. " Go look for your friends?", " Where's your friends?"
I dont know how to answer it..
Where are my friends? Suddenly gone...
FRIENDS? I HAVE NO FRIENDS NOW..
I could sense the feeling of death right now..
emo-ing in progress..

2009-04-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

ARGH!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
NOWADAYS LIFE HAVE NOT BEEN GREAT..-.-
RP life seriously started. (which means HELL)
first four days of class, seriously damn motivated. felt like heaven.LOL.
thats the first week of class.
but, second week of class, HELL comes..-.-
CHANGE OF CLASSMATES! WHAT THE FUCK!
I thought life would be great, i guess i am just having a dream.
Changed of classmates, no information made.
Complain to the school, STUDENTS 0 - SCHOOL 1
USELESS.. SCHOOL ALWAYS WIN.hais.
sudden change leh! still treat it lightly.
push all the blame to students? lame shit.
had to change class, many people moving here and there..
FACI ask students to move around, eh eh eh "commanding dogs?"
nevermind, just let it go.
no use changing the things that cannot be changed.
hmm, RP should be thinking "there, thats how singaporeans think" -.-
CRAP. all these are just RUBBISH. just that nobody dare to do anything. Zzz

SECONDLY.
with regards to my formatting of laptop.
i am so pissed off after switching on my laptop after i sent it to IT helpdesk.
I actually requested for a formatting of both C and D drives.
Who knows that after i switched on my laptop, EVERYTHING STILL LEFT INTACT!
OMG. I didnt know that formatting of the drives will leave everything there!
WHAT DOES FORMATTING DOES?!
Is my english that poor that he can actually hear wrongly?
FORMATTING = CONFIGURATION?
WTH..
Anyway, I had wrote a feedback to the IT helpdesk.
This feedback should be made within 7 days..lol.
I am human, i have my rights to comment on services.
Am i right? -.- so dont point fingers at me or put words into my mouth.
I hope theres some action taken for it.
I dont wish to entertain them. -.-
You think you all are busy?
LOOK AT the timetable of the timetable.
WHERE TO FIND MORE TIME??!
BUNCH OF BRAINLESS FREAKS. -.-
enough of these. shall wait for the response.

Thirdly,
Received a SMS earlier on.
Thermometers no available in RP.
Ask us to buy from pharmacies..
COOL~
they think that everybody will be as free as them..lol.
but seriously everybody should get themselves a thermometer.
due to the SWINE FLU..
its ok that thermometer is needed.
BUT.
never bring thermometer, fine $5. :)
WOAH!.
enough for us to buy one thermometer.
omg can. super lame!
When i think of it, i feel angry and feel like laughing
why RP would think of a rule like that.
trying to get students to buy thermometer?hahaha
nevermind..
As many people had said.
Singapore is a fine country.. lols.
students does affected..-.-

learnt new things:
never complain about things (cause we always lose)
never protest ( cause you will be jail. LOL!)
never to be angry ( cause you are wasting your time (: )
so..
complain as much as you can!
because, we are humans!
complain to get a better life! hahaha
life moves on..
humans have their rights to voice out how they feels.
i am sure this is right. -.-

SO..
i shall stop here.
this post is damn long can. -.-
damn it.
anyway, WHATEVER SHOWN IN THIS POST IS WHAT I FEEL.
JUST COMMENTS NO OFFENCE :)
NOT HAPPY TO READ IT? ALT+F4 THEN.:)
ciaos..

2009-04-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

Couldnt stand it anymore.
What are you treating me as?
Friend? or just someone to turns to when feeling down?
Troubles troubles troubles.
You think you are the only person in this fucking world that have troubles?
Throw everything to me, I dont mind.
But please, dont throw it to me and say till like I am the one giving you troubles.
Listener, I am one.
Whatever I said = RUBBISH
I dont say anything yet you say I dont wan answer you.
WHAT YOU WANT?
Please stop giving me those fucking nonsense.
I DONT GIVE A DAMN.

Enough of it.
Anyway, wanna thanks two person for been great to me.
I finally feel like myself.
Hmm, i dont know whether i should say their name.. lol.
So, permission comes first.hahas.
Thanks for those advices.
At least i found two things from them.
CARE and CONCERN.
thanks alot.:)

2009-04-22T13:43:00.002+08:00

For once, instead of telling me the reasons why i shouldnt cry, pay attention to the reasons why i am.
And if i hurt you, then i'm sorry. Please dont think that this was easy.
I was lost. There was nobody for me to talk to about all that you were troubling me with. So i sat alone, with everything inside, and cried myself to sleep.
Sometimes, if you really want to make things work, keep your mouth shut and put your hurt aside.
Its easy to let go when holding on hurts so bad.
To many of us stay walled because we are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care as much or not at all.
Its sad to think you'll never be mine, its even sadder to realise i knew it all the time.
Everyone has their reasons for keeping people away, an instinct to protect yourself from geting hurt.
Letting go does not mean giving up but accepting that there are things that cannot be.
And when you begin to miss me, dont forget it was you who let me go.
Nothing hurts more than waiting since i dont even know what im waiting for anymore.
Absence makes the heart fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.

nothing really hurts more than that..
rejection..
how much more do you want to add in the pain that i feels?

2009-04-17T21:20:00.002+08:00

EMOed.
just wanna be alone.
full of hatred.

somehow found out something.
emo and depressed is two different things..
so, i am still emoed. -.-

96% depressed.
thanks to those people.
i dont give any fucking damn.
friendship? i guess it is just some fuck shit.

theres still time for me to move on.
need to make decision for the future.haha
to someone CLOSED:thanks for some inspiration.
hmm that someone is really damn closed to me.
closer than those fuck shits :)
i shall think over it carefully.
excited about my future =)

EMOed

2009-04-13T20:22:00.002+08:00

"It's fun to play with guns and knives, And be there just to risk my life, To put just myself in danger, With a lethal unfamiliar stranger. I couldn't care less, With the way I dress, Or the way I look, But I do with my life that you took. You say my head is wrong, And that my heart is badly torn, You don't know how wrong you are, I just want to go so far. Just so far away from them, And always be able to defend, Myself so that I don't get beated, So badly and so differently treated."

Whats wrong with being myself.
I want to be left alone.
Yet I was pull up by reality.
Why cant you let me be?
Life really sucks.
Why always show care and concern whenever it is not neccessary?

2009-04-09T15:23:00.003+08:00

You laughed at my weaknesses, so I feared to show them.

You trampled on my dreams, so I dreamed alone.

You were too busy to listen, so I never spoke.

You handled my secrets indiscreetly, so I ceased to share them.

You were insensitive to my needs, so I hid them from you.

You never seemed to understand, so I stopped trying to communicate.

You hurt me by your indifference, so I bled inwardly.

You wouldn't let me near you, so I kept my distance.

You cared for my physical needs, so my soul became impoverished.

You drove me into myself, so I am imprisoned.

Happened to passed by a blog with this poem?

Hmm, guess it is rather true about friends..

Thanks alot for their "care" and "concern".

And it really sucks. life simple SUCKS.

Let me be myself..[EMOed]